Can a Woman Arrange Her Own Marriage? Do I Need a Walli?

Can a Woman Arrange Her own Marriage?

My question:

Is it permissible for me to get myself married without my wali’s permission and approval? Is he an inadequate wali for me? Please answer me in detail, may Allah have mercy on you and reward you!

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.”  Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 2709.

The woman’s guardian is her father; then her paternal grandfathers, no matter how far the line of ascent reaches; then her son and his sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches (this applies if she has a son); then her (full) brother through her father and mother; then her (half) brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then her paternal uncles; then their children, no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler. (al-Mughni 9/355).

But if the wali repeatedly refuses the proposal of a compatible suitor, he is to be regarded as preventing the marriage of the female relative under his care, and his guardianship is thus rendered null and void, and that right is transferred to the next closest relative on the father’s side.

Secondly:

The compatibility that counts here is compatibility in religious commitment. There is no difference between an Arab and a non-Arab, or between black and white, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Some of the fuqaha’ listed other conditions of compatibility, such as lineage and so on. The fact that the suitor is a teacher and you are a (university) tutor does not mean that he is not compatible with you, so long as he is of good character and religiously committed, and he is comfortably off in material terms, as you mentioned.

Thirdly:

What we think is that you should try to advise your father again, and seek help in doing so from someone who will be acceptable to him such as a relative or friend. If he agrees to give you in marriage to this suitor, this is what you want; otherwise you should refer to the matter to the guardian (wali) who comes after him, according to the order mentioned above. If he refuses to arrange your marriage, or there is a conflict among the guardians, then refer the matter to the qaadi and appoint him to arrange your marriage.

Fourthly:

What this guardian and others like him do is very strange, when they turn their daughters into trade goods to be offered to the highest bidder, or to the one who is better off than others. Even stranger than that is when they claim that the daughter has no need to get married! What does this poor man understand about need? Doesn’t he know that people need comfort, love and compassion, and that they have natural needs that Allaah has created in them, by His wisdom, may He be glorified? The woman’s wali has to fear Allaah and understand that preventing his daughter or sister from getting married to a compatible suitor who is pleased with her is regarded as wrongdoing and transgression and implies that he is an evildoer (faasiq) whose good character is sullied and whose testimony is to be rejected.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Page 1 of 2 | Next page